Last week an ex colleague of mine passed away. The details are still very sketchy but it seems that he had taken his own life. I then pondered this taking your own life thing. It seems his life ended a bit prematurely and suicide is a very selfish thing to do, but I only imagine what he must have been thinking and that taking one's own life cannot be easy, especially if you have two young children. He must have been in a very deep dark whole to have made that last desperate decision, which I am sure was not an easy one.

The fact of the matter is that he didn't part with most people on a good foot and that he had very little friends and family. Which is quite sad because one would hope that when your days come to a close you would at least have a few friends and family to call on.

As with human nature, there are many stories speculating how and why his life ended so abruptly, but I am sure this is for him to discuss with his Maker. If he wanted us to know he would have left a note.

So after a few days and an autopsy we were invited to his funeral. A Jewish funeral. I didn't even know he was Jewish! It just goes to show that you think you know someone, but you really only scratched the surface.

So off I went to the funeral. When I arrived I was met by other colleagues and friends. As we entered the gates a funny vision awaited us. Amongst the simplity of it all was an elderly gentleman standing at a table handing out jamicas and order of service booklets. Behind him was a sign asking for donations in memory of the faithfully departed - further down it mentioned that credit cards were welcome! Then only did I see the credit card machine next to him. This was a first.

Now it took a while for most folks to figure out why the order of service book was written from the back to front, but everyone eventually cottoned on - it was in Hebrew.
After standing around for a while we were very unceremoniously asked to gather around for the ceremony to start. The coffin was brought out and the service commenced. Only the family was seated all the other guests had to stand for the duration of the service. The service was all of 20 minutes, eulogy included.

We all then went to the grave site in procession and on most graves there were stones and pebbles. This is a custom for all the visitors to place a stone on the grave of the person you visit as comfort for the departed. Walking through the cemetery I must say I have never seen so many ‘owitze’s’ together. Gosh.

The Rabbi gathered everyone around the grave and started to chant again and explained the custom of filling the grave. After the coffin was lowered into the ground everyone attending had to put a few spade-fulls of earth in the grave. It was customary to do at least three spades. The first one was to be done with the spade upside down to show your reluctance to do so (*you would rather have that person here with you than in the grave) and the following with the spade the right side up.

The first thud of earth hitting the coffin was for me spine chilling. It was a final and there is no coming back. It is hard to explain, but it was with this thud that his mother broke down. And so all the other guests as well as if on cue.

All the male mourners then filled the rest of the grave as the grave diggers watched on. We then had to make tunnel for the family to pass through and before exiting we were to wash our hands.

These are very interesting customs and I must admit very humble and solemn. Weighing this up with the way we do our funerals I would say this is perhaps the better way to do it. Simple, concise and no frills – just the way we came into this world, so shall we exit.

I was sad, but never cried. Instead my brain was in overdrive to try and take in this new experience. I truly hope his soul finds peace and that his family will not remember the person he was in the last few months, but the person he was a year ago. I hope his children find peace and that his mother will come to terms with what happened. I can only imagine how horrid it must be to loose your child to death. I hope it is something I would never have to experience in my life.